So it is March already. It hit 71 yesterday and 61 today. Robins are appearing, with grackle and sparrows, and I hope they are the harbingers that spring is here to stay. I have had enough of winter. Seems like I was sick all through February with sinus problems and just general, horrible, lethargy and malaise. The last couple of days it's been sunny and I've felt almost myself, and I sure hope that is here to stay.

Probably the most significant thing that happened to me in February is that a beloved friend died. I had talked about her before, but not for a while. She has had a lot of troubles in her short life, and about this time last year was when she seemed to give up and start a downward slide. She was 15 when I met her; she was my neighbor when I lived on the other side of town. A petite blonde with a fiery temperament and a bad habit for meth and alcohol already; totally out of her parents' control. We ended up with a deal; she could say on my couch as long as she was clean and sober. She'd stay for a few days to a few months at a time, off and on, over the last 10 years. She is the friend I had blogged about before, with the abusive husband. When he was in jail for beating her into the hospital, she spent a lot of time over here and she finished a semester of junior college, with nearly straight As. Then he got out of jail and she went back to him, and I saw less and less of her. She started drinking again, and I think had started the drugs back up. She was getting very crazy and erratic, and last May, I talked to her dad and he was wracked with guilt about whether or not to step in and do something about her kids. I told him how to file a child in need of care (CINC) case, and reminded him that she is an adult, and responsible for herself- but that her kids have no choice, and if they are in danger, his first responsibiity is to the kids, not her. He did end up having to file, and he got the oldest son, and the younger two went to their dad's sister. She and her husband proceeded to get more and more out of control. Every once and a while she'd call me and ask me to take her to church, or see if I had something she needed, like some clothes or groceries, and I'd help out where I could. But I didn't see much of her, which meant she wasn't doing well.

This was the second time her kids were taken into state custody. The first time, I think they let her skate because the kids were taken due to her being hospitalized (for her husband beating her) and she didn't do hardly anything on the case plan, and she got them back anyway. I think she thought that would happen this time, and it didn't. She and her husband had their parental rights severed in December. She ended up at the state hospital; I think she overdosed. After that, she said she was leaving her husband and moving in with friends the next town over. I heard she had gotten a job and was excited. Two days before she died, I was driving to work and saw her walking toward her husband's apartment, and I thought, "This can't be good." No, it was not good.

Apparently the day she died, her husband paid cash for a car, from her uncle. She had argued with her father about something; I don't know what; that morning. She and her husband were apparently drinking, and had two other people in the back of the car. He was driving (on a suspended license) and going too fast. He lost control of the car, rolled it completely, and it kept going once it was back on its wheels, so he kept going. Apparently he cracked a vertebrae, but didn't notice. The article in the paper said that the two people in the back seat were ejected from the car. It was a small car, and from what I hear, at least one of the passengers was sizeable enough of a woman that she barely fit in the car and could not possibly have been ejected from the car, especially without injury. Perhaps the back seat passengers had their seatbelts on, and asked to be let out of the car; I guess they and the husband will be the only one to ever know the truth.

My friend was one who never wore her seatbelt. The newspaper article is vague; the rumor is she was hanging halfway out the window and he didn't notice. What is known is that no one called 911 about her. He didn't try to get help. He drove aimlessly around the countryside and about 2 hours later, called 911, complaining that his car wasn't running right. It took them quite a while to find him, and then find her. She was alive when she made it to the local hospital, and the family says she was alive for a few hours after she was life flighted to the closest big hospital (the paper says she was dead on arrival). When his blood alcohol level was checked, it was still around 0.20; more than 2 hours after the accident. He is walking around town, and he went to her funeral, and he appears to have no remorse. If it like everything else in their relationship, he will say it is her fault. Yes, she made bad choices. But no one deserves to be critically injured and denied medical care; no one.

My children took it very hard. For about a week, my older son had heartburn and vomiting after eating. He had nightmares and became fearful again. My oldest daughter was furious that, when we went to the visitation, people were talking and laughing, and no one seemed sad that she was gone, except us. I reminded her that my friend came from a big family- she was one of nine children and her dad was one of 13. So there were many people who came as a courtesy, and did not know her all that well. I didn't want to tell my kids that, with the problems she had and her tendency towards fits of temper when not doing well, some people might have been relieved that she was gone. After the visitation, I remarked to my kids that I wondered who picked her outfit. They had an open casket, and had done a fair job of making her up. She looked bloated; perhaps that was the alcohol she'd been drinking in copious quantity since losing her kids, but the only injury apparent was a scrape on her chin. I remarked to my kids that I half-expected her to sit up in the coffin and demand, "Who the FUCK dressed me in this UGLY shirt?!" She was ultra picky about her clothes, preferring low waist jeans in fancy brands, and baby doll t's in aeropostale, lucky, or similar brands. She'd bring me clothes and go, "This is too fancy, here, you take it." I have a coat and a shirt I love that came from her that way, as well as half a dozen pairs of jeans she gave me because she'd gotten too big for them. They make me think of her. I talked to one of her cousins later, who she'd been close to and that I knew would understand, and she laughed out loud when I made the comment about the shirt- she said she'd thought the same thing.

I was very fortunate that I had a client cancel and was able to go to her funeral. Her family is Catholic and she had been trying to get back into her faith off and on. The priest did a wonderful job of honoring her; he started out with some fun stories people had told him about her- that whatever else you might think about her and her choices- she was someone you could always count on to keep things lively. She had this huge belly laugh that you just couldn't help but laugh along with. She did want to help people, and she was often there for her friends in ways  you would never expect. He told the story of Jesus and the adultress, and how Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." He reminded people that it would be easy to judge her, but far more important to learn from her and to see the good that she did bring. I think she would have been happy with it. She was 25 years old, and now she is buried in the Catholic Cemetary in the next town over. They say that her husband may be charged with second degree murder. Either way, it is a tragedy. Like so many people, I had always seen the good in her and hoped that she would get it together. But now, we only hope she rests in peace.